Gone for Good

How sad I am for all that has occurred,
Unhappy at the way things have been handled.
Its about the way I've tried to care,
And instead only ended up crying.
Love for family should be the tightest bond,
Unbreakable by simple feuds.
No longer are we children,
Bickering over a simple toy.
Now as adults, the pettiness seems so sad,
And how I've wanted it to end, but I'm left so mad.
Sisters, the pieces of my heart are forever broken,
As the words and actions you have used tore it apart.
So much of me wants to cry all night,
But the tears like my pleas are pointless.
How we came to this point in life I've no idea,
But it kills me inside to think of life without you.
The bond we had, each one held strong by love,
Has been broken and stretched beyond repair it seems.
So now, with tears in my eyes I'm walking away.
I'm moving on without you in my life,
Knowing all the while you will never been gone from my heart.
Because as I walk away, my stubborn heart holds tight.
Though I may put miles between us physically,
I will never be able to do so inside.
So goodbye my sisters, loving you as I go,
It seems to be the best, at least I'm telling myself so.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

The Dreamer

Disguised as one who hides within her thoughts,

The dreamer waits for those dreams to come true.

Carefully watching all that goes on around her,

She contemplates which things to let affect her.

How will the day, mold the dreams she has at night,

And how will those dreams, shape her life.

She thinks of a world, where things go right,

And yet is stuck in a world where seldom do they.

Rather than give up and move away from her thoughts,

Her dreams become more vivid and alive.

She sleeps in peace, with love surrounding her,

And feels lost when the light breaks in the window.

Her dreams are the escape that she must have,

When the world becomes too much to bear.

A life that is good, and a heart that is true,

Is all she thinks of as she drifts off to sleep.

She knows one day, those dreams can come true,

And so she continues to hope and to dream.

She looks in the eyes of the one who depends on her,

And cant help but feel a sense of peace.

Though the dreams she has in her mind for herself,

Feel so real and so perfect, she needs nothing more.

She dreams of perfection, and hides what she knows,

Perfection is in the eyes of those who seek it.

I have sought out perfection, only to finally see,

That the perfection I seek, has already been shown to me.

A dream of a love, that I can call my own,

Sounds like heaven, but is only that, a sound.

Instead my idea of perfection, and heaven in my eyes,

Is within the arms of that little one.

Though I seek to have a love of my own,

One I can grow old beside and love forever.

I know that I do not need to have that to be happy,

Because I have been lucky enough to have been given

The love that means the most of them all.

This love I have in my everyday life,

Means more than any love I dream of at night.

So though I may escape to my dreams while I lie in bed,

They are only thoughts that occupy my nights.

When it comes down to the truth of what I want, or need,

It's all in her, she completes me.

The River of Thought

This river of thought has begun to flow,

With no where but my paper to go

I cannot stop the words that are swimming in my head,

As though they are a course bound for infinity.

They bounce around, as if they have no where to go,

But from my head to my pen onto the paper.

You have caused this ocean of thoughts,

And created a river of emotion.

Ever flowing and raging along its way,

I have no choice but to succumb to its power.

Close to you, within your arms,

My heart beats faster, and my mind floats.

A constant process of unrelenting thoughts,

Is taking hold of my mind.

I can't escape the images of you in my head,

And what they make me feel.

When I imagine your hand holding mine,

I have no choice but to write.

To express what you do, and what you have caused,

I am at a loss for words.

The magnitude of the emotion,

Is an overwhelming sight.

You hold me close, and I feel week in the knees,

And want only to fall into you closer.

I hope you are going to be there when I fall,

And catch me with open arms.

So close we are, to the happily ever after,

That I can see the light at the end.

All the pain, and sorrow of our lives,

Will all be a thing of the past.

So my darling, here I stand in love with you,

Asking only for your love in return.

Your A Bitch

Yes you are pure evil,

You lying whore of a bitch.

Dragging people down,

Along with your sorry fucking life.

You keep people around,

To satisfy the needs you have.

Caring for another,

Does not seem to be within your abilities.

The life you have led, is a total waste.

Sometimes I wish those cuts you have,

Were a little more strategic.

I realize that is so hateful,

To wish pain upon another.

Without you around, life is a bit easier,

And without you, people smile again.

You bring people down,

To a level only you seem to be at.

Instead of allowing people to rise above,

You try to keep them all down.

I wish you would just leave,

And never return here.

I wish you would run,

And do not contact us.

You seem to care only for yourself,

The only truth about you.

You have put yourself on a pedestal,

Though I am not sure why you would.

Your life is a complete waste of air,

And you should do us a favor.

Take a long drive,

And ignore the sign for the u-turn back to town!

Your Still a Bitch

How can you do what you do,

and feel that it's ok?

What makes you think,

that you have such powers?

You breathe negativity,

with every bullshit lie you say.

Your heart has a compound mixture,

of deceit and manipulation.

Unless the world revolves around you,

a temper tantrum is what you throw.

Who do you think you are,

to assume you should be so loved?

If I had the power,

I'd make shove your lies down your throat.

What kills me the most,

is that you always win.

People fall down around you,

as though you were something special!

As someone who has known you awhile,

I love you for the person deep inside.

I would be there to help you in anyway,

though I doubt you would return the favor.

I look to you as someone who needs love,

but cannot accept it until you love yourself.

You seek those to surround you,

that can only do for you.

Those that you should be helping,

get none of the attention.

Those that look to abuse you,

you follow around like a dog.

I am sick with the thought

that I stuck beside you.

I am horrified when I hear,

that another week has been taken from them.

You deserve nothing good,

and should feel the pain.

I hope that one day soon you wake from your dream

and find out that these bridges burned are ones you need!

Words

What would happen if,

I could tell you what I felt.

Would I be left with my heart held out,

or would you take it and hold it close?

I wear my heart on my sleeve,

ready to give it away.

I have the ability to love as deep as the ocean,

but that seems to get me no where.

I feel at times, I was born too late,

that the love I seek, is no longer made.

Love where your heart skips when lips meet,

and pulse races with each touch.

Emotions that give you fevers and chills,

as the tingles make your body shake.

Love that I want, desire and crave,

seems to be decades past.

Where the door is held open,

and they are polite.

Where a smile can mean more

than any other gesture.

I can love forever, never giving up,

but that sort of love, seems to scare.

No one wants that sort of commitment

for fear of being hurt in the end.

People have become so afraid,

of that thing within their chest.

Afraid to give it away,

for fear it will be crushed.

No one wants to release all they feel,

allow themselves to be vulnerable.

The fear of letting themselves go,

and putting their hearts in another's hands.

I just want that love,

that makes you smile in the morning.

That love that overwhelms you,

with feelings so real.

And I want that love that you can't help but,

Enjoy the feel!

A love so deep that you cannot run,

Nor hide from its power.

It's there for you if only you will open,

Your arms and drop your shield!

Your Eyes

The soul you hold within your heart,

Shines through your eyes.

So bright and vivid are the colors they reflect,

And they shine even in the dark.

They brought me close to the end of my will,

Pulling me down over the side.

Giving into your power, the strength of you,

Overcame my stronger side.

All the power I thought I held with in,

Was washed away with the blue in them.

Your kiss forced me to lose my control,

Wrapping my arms around your neck.

I felt my knees go weak,

As you held me closer to not fall.

Tightly within your arms I melted,

Hearing you whisper my name.

With the world disappearing from our sight,

We slowly fall into each other.

I look up to see your smile, and those eyes,

And I can't help but smile in return.

I wish this moment could last forever

Our arms wrapped around one another.

Kiss me softly on the lips,

And look me in the eyes.

I feel your power,

And your hunger from within.

And then I wake up,

Your eyes were only haunting my dream.

No longer do they stare at me,

Holding my gaze with theirs.

Your not here,

To wrap your arms around me tight.

You've left my side,

Without a good bye.

Taken so quickly,

Without a second thought in our mind.

Sadly I cried when I got the call,

My crystal blue eyes died in action.

My heart died that day,

The day the war took you away.

Now I dream each night

Of the time we spent as one.

I roll over to your side of the bed,

Longing to be in the dream again.

I look at your picture,

That still sits at my bed side.

I close my eyes and I can feel you again,

Your hand running along my side.

I will keep my eyes closed for all time,

If it means you will never again leave me.

I could

I could tell you what I feel,

Though it's clear you wouldn't understand.

I could hold you close to me,

But it's apparent you don't want that.

I could forgive your ways,

However, I think you won't change.

I could continue to look through blind eyes,

As you walk across my back.

I could be weak and let you lie,

Because it's what I've always done.

I could be what you need,

But it's clear you aren't doing that for me.

I could do this and more,

Being all you want and ask for.

But I can't continue to put my heart out there,

To have it treated with such disdain.

You have no compassion,

For all I've done for you.

So I could continue on this path,

But instead I'm taking another.

I'm walking away from you,

And the toxic feelings you spew.

You will continue on your way,

As though nothing has changed.

But I'll get stronger,

And I'll move on.

I could stay,

But I just realized I don't care

The Risk

Looking
about this room I'm in,

I can't help but see past the faces.

I look
and look, without seeing what's there,

As though I'm looking into a window.

I see
that it is there,

But it does not hold a meaning.

Like wind
in my hair,

As I stand on the bank I feel it is there.

Leaning
forward,

As though I'm trying to see the bottom,

I let my
arms out, my head up high,

Releasing all that has held me back, I jump.

Falling
in slow motion, feeling the ocean spray,

I am not scare of what is at the bottom.

What good
is a life of chance,

If I am not willing to take the risk.

Instead
of a splash,

Into the cold water below

I land in
a soft cloud of fluff,

And am consumed by an overwhelming joy.

I put my
faith into the myself,

And trusted that I would not get hurt.

The risk
I took, was the greatest of all,

To fall, without fear.

If only
the landing,

Was as easy as the falling.

When I
lie on the ground,

And look to the sky, I see my life.

It is
what I make it,

Like animals from clouds.

I am what
decides my destiny and future,

And I am what decides my fate.

I chose
to live for the moment,

Falling for the times that make me smile.

Leaving
behind me on the jagged cliffs,

Are the ones who only choose to hold me back.

No longer
caring if my life is approved,

Or whether or not is deemed appropriate.

When I
leave this body,

It will be just that.

My mind
will flow as though it were on a river,

Thoughts and dreams either realized or given up.

The risk,
it is worth the effort,

It is worth the chance of failure.

Without
the risk,

Why bother to try at all?

The Reflection

I don't know why you would think I'd care,
if your feelings were hurt.

With what you did, not just to me,
yours are the last on my mind.

Cowardly you walked away,
without even saying good bye.

We gave you love,
with no questions asked as you gave nothing in return.

How quickly you thought we'd always be around,
thinking we'd never get a clue.

It is hard to imagine all of this,
when not too long ago, I loved you.

Now though, I am strong enough to walk away,
and to tell you that it's over.

This hold you had over her and I,
it stayed with us for long enough.

Your thumb you continued to hold on top,
even after we said good bye.

I thought when we walked away,
I had left the emotions behind.

It took your painful language,
and lack of feelings for me to realize what I did.

You care for no one but yourself,
this I can finally see.

As much as I wanted you, to love you,
that is how much you pushed me away.

Pulling me down, day by day,
you kept me under lock and key.

My heart was never mine to give away,
to another who would be worthy of its weight.

You kept me down, by keeping me close,
and that was completely unfair.

I thought I was able to move on,
once our life was over, but that was not so.

I tried so hard, to recreate our lives,
into one that was full of love and happiness.

But each time we got a little ways ahead,
you found your way back to drag us down.

Now it's over, and this is it,
so do what you do best, and just walk away.

Forget our names, or where we are,
and we'll leave the past in the past.

We will move on, leaving you behind,
if you will only let us go.

Decisions

Never an easy task to behold,
Deciding when to take control.
Knowing what choice you make,
Will be forever in effect.
Do I stay my course of self reliance,
Or is it safe to let down my guard.
I am trying to hold to what I want,
But the powers of happiness are overwhelming.
How do I know if I am ready to give in,
Or will it be when I end the asking.
I see it before me, this joy near me,

But then I see another, and the heart flutters.

Does that make me wrong,

Does that make me unworthy.

Will it be this way always,

Or am I being tested.

I don't care to hurt another,

Nor do I care to continue my pain.

I could stay where I am and be content,

But I fear I may always wonder.

Always wonder about that grass,

The green one over the fence.

How do you move past the desire,

The longing to know how it is.

How can I just stay in the realm of happiness,

When so many temptations exist.

How did I make it to this point,

Where I'd question my abilities.

After all that has occurred,

All that I've had to endure, I should know.

Give me guidance, knowledge from within,

To make the decision to go the right way.

Keep my mind focused on the choice at hand,

Without straying the course.

My destiny seems to yet be decided,

As I wander down the paths of change.

I see that the rode I am traveling is hard,

And my decision is harder.

This choice I make will alter it all,

Changing my course of life.

Am I ready to make that jump,

Deep within the arms of another.

You have Disappointed Me

It is time to make the change, realizing who I am.

I can no longer put up with,

the ignorance of others.

Speaking in words, that make you feel wise,

only shows how immature you are.

Words do not make the world respect you,

and certainly not the actions you take.

You have enabled me to lose,

what feelings I had.

I kept you close, as close as I could,

and you chose to be the way you are.

I do not believe you have no control,

nor do I feel any pity for you.

You chose your actions,

without regard to others.

You go about your life as though no one matters.

and you care not for those that should.

I can no longer be the friend you had,

because it kills me inside.

So much potential you have inside,

but you choose to be the damsel in distress.

I can't understand why you think the way you do,

as though the world should revolve around you.

Deep inside my heart there is love,

but that love needs to be locked away.

I think you will do nothing but hurt those that are close,

and I am removing myself from that circle.

I love you dearly, and wish you the well,

but this is the end and I am through watching you put us all through hell.

My love

Kiss me in the rain, and hold me close to your heart,

I promise I will not run.

It's here for you to take, this poor heart of mine.

All for you it is waiting.

Take possession of my soul, as it beckons to you,

and it will remain at your side.

I want to feel that passion that comes from within,

that fire that ignites with each kiss.

Longing to have that overwhelming emotion,

once again inside my heart.

No longer do I want to feel nothing,

caring not for the hands I touch.

No longer can I continue to falsify,

to please another.

Love me as I am, and to you I pledge the same;

so long as it's true.

Love me the way I am, flaws and all,

and it will be returned.

It's there within my heart,

I can feel it longing to come out.

For so long I have tried to force it,

in hopes it will be true.

I can no longer do that,

because its not forced with you.

When you are close, I feel the flames,

so hot with in my heart.

When its just us,

I smile from with in, so that it shines through my eyes.

You bring out what I want to stay,

a love and longing so immense.

I am so drawn into your gaze,

that I lose my thoughts each time.

Your eyes have a glow that captures my soul,

each and every time.

All this is coming out, so this must be it,

it must be love to be this strong.

So if its love, how do I keep it…

after I've woken up...

FearLess

Its come down to just me this time,

going headstrong in the right direction.

My life is falling into place,

in a way I have come to accept.

Things aren't perfect,

and never will they be.

The pace I am taking,

is steady and forward facing.

I can't look back at the mistakes I've made,

or they'll slow me down.

What is in the past, is not now,

its over and done and I won't dwell.

I know what went wrong,

and it can be changed without looking back.

So I've taken the stride,

filled with confidence.

Fast paced, and steady flowing,

are the footsteps I've begun.

I won't look over my shoulder,

at the regrets I might have.

My life is what I make it,

and I won't let pain take it.

I am what I am, and that I like,

so if its not in front, then its not mine.

I have become fearless,

and no longer worry about the small.

If it is in my past, then that’s where it will remain,

as I do not want it in my future.

Fearless, going strong,

fearless and getting there won't be long.

Walking with my head held high,

I've walked away without saying goodbye!

Karma

How you can be what you are,

is an unfathomable question.

You are under the sad impression,

that the world is yours to take.

If you could see, what we all see,

and how we think you have lost your mind.

You walk around as though the world owes you,

when in fact you are so far in debt.

Taking without regard to what the outcome is,

you think of only yourself.

You question the idea that pain could come to you,

yet you still roll it out to others.

A personality flaw, is putting it mildly,

when there are so many other ways to say it.

I'd love to tell you exactly what is thought,

but with you no one can tell a thing to!

How I'd love to shove your words back in your face,

watching you writhe in pain.

That makes me evil, with in my soul, I know,

yet I can't help but feel it.

For a while I was there for you,

being that constant I thought you deserved.

I ignored the rest, thinking you just needed a friend,

how foolish of me to believe in that.

Selfish and self-centered is all you are,

and karma has a way of paying one back.

I hope I am there to see when it comes back on you,

and maybe then, you will get it.

Until then, I sit back and listen to your drama,

laughing at how you think its wrong.

Little bitch that you are,

it's gonna come back just you wait and see.

The Hate Within

This isn't love, nor a lust of any kind.
It is a pain you have caused, deep within.
Bringing about a hurt, unlike any other,
And having it face me with no where to turn.
A heart I thought was healed enough to start again,
Was slowly ripped from my chest and smashed.
No regard to what the outcome would be,
You walked away, and fucking left me.
Selfishly caring only for yourself,
You showed your true colors, as you walked away.
I should still care, if it was love at all,
But I see your face and I just get mad.
Tears don't run any more,
And I fear they never will again.
I can't seem to trust another,
Although I dearly want to.
How you did me in left no room for another.
You took my heart and filled it with sand.
No empty whole to fill with another,
But rather a weight upon my chest.
Can't seem to move past us,
The us I thought was there but was not.
How I thought it would be you and I,
And I was pleased with that idea.
Now I know, lies are as common as the air we breath,
And now I know the lies you spoke were so real.
You had be believing in what you said,
When you knew all along it wasn't.
So the feelings I have from with in my soul,
Is a small shadow of what was there.
It is now consumed with darkness,
And it is becoming the Hate Within.

The Way You Are

How dare you, of all who speak,
To breath such bullshit from your mouth.
To be so vain, and expect so much.
Lying and cheating became second nature,
As you led your life for you alone.
You speak of abandonment,
As though you have room to talk.
Of all people I have met, I cared for you the most.
How I wanted to be there for you,
To help and comfort when it was needed.
You decided to stab in the back,
Turning the blade slowly.
Pulling the jagged edge across my heart.
Thinking you could change, I was wrong.
I wanted you of all to succeed,
And I wanted to be there when you did.
However, you’re a liar and a flake.
I try to wash my hands of your emotional cry,
And yet, somehow I stay concerned.
I wish I could explain to myself why,
As much as I hate you, I love you more.
Why do you have to be what you are,
Why do you do what you do?
What gives you the right to cast stones,
As though you don't live in a glass house!
I want you gone, in the worst way.
I want to be far away from the idea of you.
I want you to disappear and never return.
But, You won't, and I will lose.
Such is a routine I have come to accept.
All I can do is yet again,
Say good bye and pray it's the last time.

Can It Be

Can it be that this is real,

It feels so real to me.

Your touch sends chills,

down my spine to my toes.

A kiss in the dark,

lights up my world.

How you can know,

what I am feeling inside

And how you can speak,

and make things right.

At first a false set of hopes,

for us I had.

We are still here,

standing side by side..

Can it be that this will last,

holding on to each other.

Can we withstand,

all that may come ahead?

Will we make it through,

the turmoil that may occur?

How can it be,

that I was lucky enough to find you?

Somewhere I must have done something right,

to deserve your love and kisses at night.

I look into your eyes,

and the world seems to melt away.

I hold onto your hand,

as though it were a safety for me.

With you near I feel stronger,

and unstoppable.

Can it be, this is all I ask,

that you and I will surely last?